Marc Bergevin and Michel Therrien are sitting opposite each other. Their feet touching.

Bergevin: Scrivens. I got him for you. Why aren’t you using him?

Therrien (exhaling): He can’t stop da puck. Are you fucking blind?

Bergevin: Dudley says he’s better than Condon. Ramsey too.

Therrien: Rick Dudley?! Enough with dat guy. He also said Kassian was ok. But I’ll agree wit him dat Scrivens is better than Ramsey.

Bergevin: C’mon Mike.

Therrien: What c’mon? Get me a real NHL goalie or I’m going to keep using da college kid.

Bergevin: Well, ok. But it’s gonna cost us Davey.

Therrien (Jumping to his feet): NO! Not –

Bergevin: Sit down Michel!

Therrien (sits back down): Not David. No way. He’s da only real center we got. Hands like fucking butter. You ever try doing dat?

Bergevin: Doing what?

Therrien: Fucking butter. I used to do it as a kid. But da watermelon was da best.

Therrien, lost in the sweet memories of his youth, starts to smile. Bergevin stares at him.

Bergevin: Mike?

Therrien: Yeah, and balls as big as da ones I used to trow down da lane at Grundman’s place. And his eyes… you can’t teach dat. His eyes are like, like, uh, like…almost Gretzky.

Bergevin (under his breath): Maybe Keith Gretzky.

Therrien: What?

Bergevin: Mike, he’s not producing. I think he’s finished as a top 2 guy.

Therrien (jumps to his feet again): NO! I say no! I say wait –

Bergevin: Sit down tabernac! You’re going to get us killed.

Therrien (sits back down, lights a cigarette, shakes his head): Poor Davey. No respeck. If you feel dat way why did you sign him?

Bergevin: Because you told me to.

Therrien: We need to get him wingers.

Bergevin: We need to keep Galchenyuk at centre.

Therrien (takes a long drag on his cigarette, exhaling into Bergevin’s face): I’m coaching da team. He’s not ready. We try him der again in September.

Just as Therrien finishes talking, the two men are forced to duck several flying objects that whiz by. They remain hunched over. Quiet. looking around.

Bergevin (softly): You ok?

Therrien (breathing heavily, his face beet red, as he stubs out his cigarette): Dis is harder den I thought it would be. Merde.

Bergevin reaches for one of the objects. It’s a bottle of Molson XXX. He looks around the foxhole. He sees five more bottles. He looks at Therrien.

Therrein (wiping his hand across his mouth): What da fuck?

Bergevin: I think you better move Galchenyuk back to centre. And keep him there.

Therrien: But Max don’t want him der.

Two more bottles fly by.

Therrien: Ok, ok.

Bergevin: They’re pissed Mike. Wait, what’s this?

Bergevin sees a note inside one of the empty bottles. He slides a finger into the bottle to pull it out. He starts to read it –

We warned you guys. We needed a goalie. We needed a power play. We needed to see Galchenyuk at centre. We needed to see a room together not divided. Now we’re done listening. We talk, YOU listen. 

Bergevin looks up. Swallows hard. Looks at Therrien.

Therrien: What’s dat your reading?

Bergevin doesn’t respond. He finishes reading the rest of the note. Takes a deep breath. Begins to tell Therrien.

Bergevin: Kevin Gilmore wants us to be in the John Scott movie.

Therrien (excitedly): Yeah? Dats good.  I can act. What’s da role – Da American Hockey League coach for Arizona?

Bergevin (frustrated): No, you idiot. He wants the CH in the movie. The logo, the brand, the Montreal Canadiens.

Therrien: Oh. So?

Bergevin: So he wants us to bring up John Scott from St. John’s and play him in a home game.

Therrien: No fucking way. I’m not benching Davey for dat.

Bergevin looks at Therrien who’s staring straight ahead while lighting up another cigarette. Bergevin rolls his eyes.

Therrien: And since when did Kevin Gilmore become da coach of dis team?

Bergevin: The note is from Geoff. He likes the idea.

Therrien (exhaling): Merde.

As we leave the scene Therrien is shaking his head and kicks at a couple of the empty Molson XXX bottles. One of them hits Bergevin in the leg. He kicks it back at Therrien. As the camera slowly pans away we see the two of them kicking at each other while the location of the foxhole becomes clear. It’s located at the foot of the new condo development opposite the Bell Centre. The building is dark except for a brightly lit room on the top floor. We see two figures moving from the centre of the room to the balcony outside where Geoff Molson and Kevin Gilmore are seated around a table. There is much laughter and good cheer. The middle of the table features a giant bowl of potato chips and several empty bottles. The two men from inside the room have joined Molson and Gilmore at the table. There is a toast as the four men clank their Molson XXX bottles. The camera moves in to reveal the other two men – Marc Crawford and P.K. Subban. The scene slowly fades to black.


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6 Responses

  1. Kostas

    Ha Ha!

    Thanks for the laughs Mitch.
    Not quite as funny as no.74 on the Power play…. but close.

  2. Patrick findlay

    Funniest thing I have ever read about the CH ! I’m in Mexico rolling on the floor… That makes my season with everything that has happened ! Tks Mitch

  3. Mary

    So good! You got more than a chuckle out of me!😂

  4. "Frenchie" McFarlane

    **** funny, Mitch! Check out my @comedyproshop twt. for many “Foxhole BFF” hits! And more! Also on #habs !! Maybe do some prof. biz?